Always stalking your partner online? How to test your jealousy and surveillance


315 days ago

Do you know if your partner has an Instagram crush?

Are you guilty of always checking their inbox or DMs?

Human interactions have been both enhanced and complicated by the rise of technology and the digital world.

Clinical sexologist Dr Eve says social media in particular have had an impact on intimate relationships.

Many partners monitor social media for signs of cyber infidelity or to ward off any online threats to their relationship.

Read: Enjoying secret chats online? It may be time to talk polyamory with your partner

But this behaviour can lead to unhealthy levels of jealousy and surveillance. It can also fuel distrust and anxiety about your partner's online activities.

Dr Eve says online surveillance can be a sign of insecurity and low self-esteem.

Instead of turning to a partner to have discussion or resolve a conflict, we're getting on to their Facbook page and social media to look at what they're doing.

Dr Eve, clinical sexologist

Many of us spend quite a lot of time feeling obsessed and insecure about likes and who people are friendly with, and go into relationship detachment because of it.

Dr Eve, clinical sexologist

We've got to very brave to be able to hold ourselves steady in the face of so much comparison.

Dr Eve, clinical sexologist

Look for other signs of commitment rather than those blue ticks.

Dr Eve, clinical sexologist

She explains that people with low self-esteem or poor conflict resolution skills are more likely to be jealous in real life and online.

Who would imagine that this kind of mate-guarding would happen?

Dr Eve, clinical sexologist

If you can be open with each other's real life worlds and what you're doing online, it takes away the jealousy.

Dr Eve, clinical sexologist

Dr Eve suggests that couples have open conversations about their digital activities and privacy preferences.

She says strong self-esteem and confidence is key to keeping a healthy relationship in the age of tech.

Dr Eve advises that people test themselves to see if their self-esteem is intact and consider therapy, if necessary.

How to do a quick self test:

  • Rate your self esteem from 1 – 5 (5 being highest and 1 lowest)

  • Rate your jealousy in personal relationships from 1-5 (5 being highest and 1 lowest)

  • Rate how well you manage conflict with your partner from 1-5 (5 being highest and 1 lowest)

  • Rate your Facebook jealousy from 1-5 (5 being highest and 1 lowest)

  • State if Facebook has been positive or negative to your interpersonal relationships.

Dr Eve offered her advise and listeners also shared their personal experiences.

Because we met on social media, I have insecurities and it is devastating and crippling. I've even considered getting a friend to check on his Facebook. It's not normal and I've never been insecure before.

Jenny, caller

I'm in a long distance relationship and my partner tends to get very distracted and busy that he won't contact me for a day or two. I've started checking his last seen on WhatsApp.

Trish, caller

Visit Dr Eve's website for more information.

Take a listen to the engaging discussion during the Talking Sex feature:

This article first appeared on CapeTalk : Always stalking your partner online? How to test your jealousy and surveillance

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